Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
try to milk me bitch
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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