I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
