I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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