ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I skipped work to stalk him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
