cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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