Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
