So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
