she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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