Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
