Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
