i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
