Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize