I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
