Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize