The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize