did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
