I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
