the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
