I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
