it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
