The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize