seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize