The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
