So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
