I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
