He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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