The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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