i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
