Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
