if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
