I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
