Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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