i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
