Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
