You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
