so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
