At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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