Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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