Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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