How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
