I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
