dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
