I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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