There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
