I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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