Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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