i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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