I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she looked like the before picture.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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