WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We need to rekindle our bromance
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
