You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize