omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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