The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
