My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
