is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
