had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
