He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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