I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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