the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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