I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
