rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
