I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
