so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Randomize