i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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