your parents love me but you hate me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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