Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
