why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
