I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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