when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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