All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
