did you get engaged???
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize