I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
