I bet he comes in French.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
