HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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