So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
