woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
