i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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