Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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