"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
