Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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