His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
