I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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