This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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