im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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