If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
