i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
