my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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